Congratulations! You’re finally done with high school, and everyone’s been celebrating you on your way to tackle the world! You’re in the interim between high school and college, and you’re probably super stoked to leave home and live away from the watchful eyes of mom and dad. But… you’re probably nervous too. Some of the things that your friends have said that their friends say or that their older siblings tell stories about are true- but you might not know how much of it is actually true.
So, here’s a short list of some of the most important things that no one ever told me about college-aged boys before I got to college. I’ve learned through loving one, living with many, observing tons, and hearing friends cry… and cry. I’ve learned through being a college student, from class-to-class gossip, and from deep-talk-crying my life away. But anyways, let’s just get started.
Revealing clothes: cute to you, naked to them.
If you’re wearing clothes that reveal your body (meaning cleavage/side-boob/under-boob/midriff/butt cheek/skin-tight etc.) these extremely testosterone-elevated males will only imagine you naked, whereas you may think you look cute.
In other words,
the trendy and sexy fashion in’s and do’s of the internet low key prompt boys to visualize you naked.
For most of my childhood through my late teenage years, I fought with my dad about what I wore and the message it was sending. Little to my knowledge, the clothes that I thought were cool and fashion “yes” worthy were actually allowing men around me to picture me naked? Gross. I mean… not just the frat boys that are pretty tipsy at the bar. I’m talking about the middle-aged semi-obese man just people-watching in the corner, who’ll recall your body when getting down to business later. It’s gross, it’s creepy, and it’s uncomfortable. But sadly, it’s necessary to say because it’s an unknown phenomenon to most of the female half of the human species.
The hook-up culture is real.
There are so many types of boys that you’ll meet in the dating pool in college. Just like it’s possible to categorize the many types of girls, you can do the same for boys. But just like we say that there are mixes and exceptions unaccounted for in categories of us, it’s the same way for men. Knowing this, I feel that it’s important to warn you about all sorts of types of boys that you maybe may have not have even known existed:
Boys aren’t ready to settle down nearly as quickly as girls are. This tends to be because college puts a huge barrier into their innate, societal, and biologically-driven provider and protector complex. Being financially dependent, unstable, or unpredictable seriously creates self-esteem issues for themselves, let alone their fragile ego when it comes to what a woman thinks of them.
Therefore, if you happen to land a wedding-bells-worthy man that’s scared to commit, this might be a solid reason why.
There’s never-ending availability…
There’s a huge variety of men that just want to hook up and move on. From the attractive/studious/non-partier to the bars-everyday type, so many college dudes just want to mess around, hook up, and leave. Why? Well, we could blame the fast-paced nature of the internet’s unending availability… I mean all they have to do to get fresh females is move fifty miles for a plethora of sex- many thanks to Tinder. It’s also in their biology: evolutionarily, men inseminated as many women as possible as demonstrated by the power of the visual on male minds. Yet- it could also be because women are making themselves more and more available for casual sexual encounters and men take it simply as that: nothing hopeful of being more, just a simple sexual encounter. And there they have it: no compromise, what they have just falls in their lap. And sometimes, these boys are boys that have heard stories of this and want nothing more than to experiment in the realms of casual sex. Sometimes, it’s not. But let me warn you- so many of them were never looking for anything serious in the first place because it scares them. And, as my mother would say, if you give them everything, what more is there for them to want from you?
Approval matters, but it’s not always yours that counts.
College boys want the acceptance and approval of their friends more than you (at least in the beginning). When everyone is scrambling to find their friend groups, the most important goal to them is that they belong to an alpha pack, they’re valued within it, and it makes them look good. So if that means having casual sex because casual sex is cool, they’ll sweet talk you into believing they’re there for you when in reality, they’re already hella checked out. So with this in mind, just be cautious into knowing the full story. I would strongly ask you to get to know the dude before giving yourself to him because he might (plain and simple) just not be worth your time.
Guys gossip too.
Guys talk just as much as girls. And not words, I’m talking gossip. About sex. About you. They brag, they tell, they reveal a whole lot more than anyone ever thought. They’ll screenshot and group message things to the boys, they’ll keep things, they’ll kiss and tell. There’s this girl I know of that’s at the bar at least once a week and goes home with a different dude every time, and to top it off it’s been four years. She’s now old, and every guy that’s anyone knows who she’s hooked up with and what she’s known for. Even I know what she’s known for and I wasn’t ever even looking to know: it doesn’t make sense that I know, but if I do then others do too. The main take away: be careful about what you do and who you do it with.
guys are learning about themselves (and this world) just as much as any girl… if not more. Everyone is facing a ton of unknowns in their lives- just because he looks like a man, doesn’t mean that he has his whole life together. What I want you to remember more than anything else is to be careful with what you do with your body. Your body is something that only you control- love it, respect it, and be it.